i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
