And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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