I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
