I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
