this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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