just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize