you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
