last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
