I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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