No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
