so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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