Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
