Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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