Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
