puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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