Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize