I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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