I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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