I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
