Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
