i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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