and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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