I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
