I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
