actually, I'm a sock model
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
