billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
