It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
