i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
