A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
