Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize