Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
