i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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