Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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