handjob tips. give me some.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
