I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
