The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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