He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
