what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
