I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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