I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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