you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
