you mean i was at the winter classic?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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