apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
