handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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