I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i think my cat just said my name.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
