I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
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