She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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