i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize