I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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