we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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