My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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