remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
