you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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