Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
