Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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