just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Drake has all the answers
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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