I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
