i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
