This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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