how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
