I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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