You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
