I got chris browned last night
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
