We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
