Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
