do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
