Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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