I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
